Lady In Red

I live in this WORLD. But as much as I'm concerned, I don't like the way it is managed. I've been living for several years from now, but though I'm still 17, for me I don't like the way and the happenings I've been seeing. Everything is not enough for me, I craved for one thing and nothing else. To live happily and freely according to my own will. But, I am not.

I want my countrymen to live with a smile on their face, I want them to feel the happiness that they deserved, I want us all to be happy and to live freely, I don't want to suffer till the end of our time, suffer no more, but for me, the only ones who could do that are those people who are laying on their bed of golds. I pitied myself and I pitied those families who eats just once a day just enough to feed their hunger, street children who knows nothing but offering their small palms among others, begging and lowing themselves. But what I hate most is that some are just passing by with them and they would even get mad and what else? People see them as trash, filthy, criminals and low life creatures, avoiding them as if they contains contagious diseases. I hate people like that. They don't know what kind of life those people were in. Those people who lives in good environment, they would never understand the way how cruel life is, they would never learn to understand the sufferings of those people and children who seek for love, attentions, well-family, and shelter where they could feel the love of their families. SO many of them will never understand the cruelty.

I often wondered, why is it like this? Why can't just people live together in peace and unison? Why there is always discrimination? I thought that word was gone a long time ago, but I was wrong. I'm totally wrong. Discrimination is a word that would never vanished, a kind of treatment that will continue to soar and that is the truth that will never be kept hidden forever. Even now, all I can see is discrimination, no one lives in the same level and no one dares to be leveled among the person they despised and discriminated. How awful this world is. That is all I can see. Government are not making their ROLES to the fullest, they are CORRUPT, they're not serious about helping my country, are they? Could someone tell me that they are, and explain to me on how? I challenge you to and if you will give me enough reason, then I must applaud you.
This world, the modern world...is rotten increasingly. And I bet no one knows and realized about that TRUTH. No one. And if there is, I will highly appreciate them, praise them, and must applaud them. For they have seen the way my own eyes are seeing and observing. They have understand the way I am believing.

I am not critisizing. Am I? No, I am not. Because I am just telling the way I feel and the way I used to live. I am just being realistic. This is the way I am seeing the world, my country and those people around me. Everyday, I smile fakely. Everyday, I keep pretending that its OK. Everyday, I suffer. I suffer because I can't express and tell frankly the way I feel, the way I see things afraid that they will laught at me, afraid that no one would dare to understand the way I am believing, afraid that people would just ignore. I am damned TIRED of it, I'm tired for all of it. Ignoring the feelings of other, so awful. Even FRIENDS on this generation are fakes. Friends who smile at you and will badmouth you when you're out of their sight, what kind of humans are they? Are they're even humans? I despised them.

All I know, no more smiles that are pure hearted.

People who will read this will somehow despised me and the way I am thinking. But despised me as much as you can, why would I bother? This is me, and this is the way I used to believe and see. This is the painful truth I am clinging into. And I couldn't escape from that fact. NEVER I would dare to escape.

I am a girl who seek for enough and proper JUSTICE. I am a girl who is left alone in the corner counting the useless days that passed, a girl who will be never understand by her own family, a girl who is always the culprit in everything, the greatest antagonist and the worst nightmare. Behold, because no one would dare to understand the way I am me.

I am writing this because this is my personal online diary. I could never write this is in my notebook, my family members who would find it will laugh at me. It is beneficial for me to write my feelings and believes in here because no one would know who is me, who am I.
I am just an unknown existence. And leave it be that way.

For I am, your worst nightmare.

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