Valentines Day..hateful day

Valentines Day....

What a lovely day that is, well at least for those who have lovers and love of their life. This is a lovely month, but as for me. I simply hate it. Not because I don't have someone I could share this occasion but because I used to have that someone whom in the contrary betrayed me in the end. Do you know what happened? Firstly, I used to love somebody and thought its pure. But when we got separated because my family moves to another place...faraway from that somebody's place, just after a month or so I have heard a news from my friends who lives there that my boyfriend told them that we broke up already. Itai!(ouch) I even don't know when we broke up! Ouch, that really hurts and pierced my heart. My boyfriend denied me. And so that's my first love turned into a hateful memory.

So when we transferred in our new home, I started a new life. I can move on, yah know. I am not that kind of a girl who would cry and locked herself in an isolated room mourning and crying just because I was dumped by a stupid kareshi!(boyfriend) What am I, stupid? Gosh...

Sou, sou...(So..) not just a month living in our new katei (home) someone courted me. And I accepted him without thinking and without love. Of course, to show off to that stupid guy that I don't need anymore a moron like him who would deny a girlfriend, disgusting guy. NOt just that but because I want to show to him that I can replace him anytime, you pitied now the guy who courted me right? Because I used him as replacement? Yada! Because I know in the first place that he was the one who used me (and not me who used him) WHY? Because he was being dumped too and want to use me as well, hahaha. SOshite (and) he's a PERVERT. That's why right after he attempt to kiss me without my permission - I broke up with him. My, I don't need a perverted man! Totally NO.

Guys are THE SAME. LIAR. PERVERT. They want nothing but physical appearance. I hate it. I despised that kind of a man. Never I would dream to marry if that's the case. Oh well, in fact I never plan to marry. That will ruin my ALREADY RUINED LIFE.

Last last november, a guy courted me again. Oh my, what he wants from me now! To make it short, I accepted him just bcoz I gave myself another chance to trust. But then we broke up after a month. He used me to cover up his unrequited love of my classmate. Just because he knows he doesn't have any chance from that girl he swap his feelings at me. Im not dumb not to notice it. I know everything even without them saying it, I can feel their feelings. I am used to it. Because I am surrounded with LIARS. Yappari!

Definitely, this world needs a proper REVOLUTION.

And there's the fourth guy,...were lovers for almost two months and I thought he's the one. I thought yeah, but deep inside I know we wont last even a year. I have this feelings that we will end breaking up the same before.

Soredeha, (well then) Yappari! (as I have thought) Its the same. WE BROKE UP. No, I broke up with him. I broke up with him just this January. WHY? Because he is too popular in girls and he is too flirty with them. HUh, too full of himself, too proud of himself, too confident of himself...He's boasting his physical features, what a lame attitude! Just because girls PRAISE him though those girls knew that he has a GF already(that's me), they're still too clingy. Ew, I wanted to spill out blood. I can't stand that guy, his too ****.... I despised him for that.

Sate (well).....actually I never hated him, Im the one who broke up in the first place. Demo, (but) I never thought that this shocking, multi-awarded unexpected news will come up! Not just a week we broke up I heard the news that my EX 4th BF kissed another girl during our LOVE DAY PROGRAM (just this friday)! And moreover, its a freshman student, the younger sister of my boy classmate! What the **** he's a child molester! It shocked me for real! I was totally NUMB after hearing that, how could he do that though we've just broke up? AH, well, as expected from him. I emailed him saying hateful words, cursed him, and so so. But not because Im jealous, the reason why I sent him cursing emails is that because I regretted that I accepted him before. I told him in the emails that I despised him, I regreted for being his GF and so so. I even put ewwwww there! haha.

That's why I hate Valentines Day.

Because it will just gives me a headache remembering those despicable memories. I dont even want to think about it, but can't help it. I love thinking it too. WHY? Because it will remind me that GUYS are the same. Not all. But most of them. That serves me A LESSON.

NEVER EVER BELIEVE ON THEM.

Kami-sama (God), forgive me for being like this. OMIGOD, I can't help. I just simply hate LIARS, and humans around me. They're irratates me and they're soooo pretentious beings! Just so what I hate most in the world. I hate MEN. But oh well, that doesnt includes the anime/manga guys! haha! Because I prefer to fall in love in anime rather than a human one. Dakara, I am so contradicting!

AHHH~ Im such a narcissist.....I hate Valentines, I hate LOVE. I hate everything that's what Im seeing, bcoz those are full of sorrowness.

I love only myself. I dont trust anyone anymore, I trust no more. That word doesn't exist in my vocabulary yah know. I want everybody around me to SMILE, I want their SMILING FACE not their FROWNED BROWS! But behold, if you'll just give me a smile which is totallo fake then better frown your face, dear! Because I hate fake smiles. And dont understimate ME. I know whether its fake or not, I can tell when you lie or not, I can sense when you do care or pretend. I know you more than you know yourself. I am your worst nightmare, you will never want me to visit you in your dreams. SO beeee good to me. ANd I'll be good to you.
ANyway, I know who you are. I can tell what you are, what your motives are. But....the only problem in me is that - I dont know myself anymore. It seems I have forgot caring for myself, what am I...

I LOVE ME. I am a narcissist after all.